Friend Abandonment..Opinions Needed >.<

Posts : 30 Join date : 2009-06-15 Age : 31

Okay. I have this friend of mine. We have been friends since i was in 7th grade (she was in 8th). I thought we were ~~best~~ friends. This is what happened:

She started going out with this guy (which is surprising that it lasted because she has such high expectations) and she calls it "love" when they've been only dating for only 4 or so months. When me and all of our other friends (who are girls) just want to hang out together, she always steals someone's phone just to talk to him. It gets annoying because she does it EVERY time we hang out.

Everyone acts like they're so afraid to tell her to stop, but i'm not. When I told her about it, it's the same stupid story all the time: "Well, I can't help it. I really love him!!" blah blah blah..

I really don't want to seem like I'm jealous, or people might be asking "Why does it bother you so much?" It's because when it's girls day out, guess who you're only supposed to hang with that day?? GIRLS. Not your boyfriend who you talk about every 5 minutes.

And if it wasn't bad enough, I try to talk to her boyfriend about it. He claimed he would talk to her about it, but apparently, it's not working. They are so wrapped up in eachother, it's almost sickening. What was also so bad was that one of my guy friends invited her to a bonfire, and she took my friend's phone and called him and stayed on the phone with him the rest of the night and during the last half of the bonfire. If she wanted to talk to him so much, she should have just stayed home.

Did i mention she met him online and convinced her mom to take her to Alabama (where he was) so she could meet him?? Yeah.

So I come to you all as a friend, Fellow Shinju girl..kunoichi. How can I get her to start paying attention to her friends before she loses them all with her constant obsession with her boyfriend? Please HELP!! D :

Subject: Re: Friend Abandonment..Opinions Needed >.< Sun Jun 21, 2009 9:46 pm

Wow, That is bad! I shall try to help! Very Happy

If all she ever wants to do is just talk to her BF whenever shes with you and her friends, maybe you should just stop inviting her. I know that sounds harsh but its prolly best. OR, you could come up with some cheesy lie to guilt trip her into not clinging to him so much haha

Subject: Re: Friend Abandonment..Opinions Needed >.< Mon Jun 22, 2009 12:02 am

Ah--all meh Friends do that, too. Well, not the obsessive-kinda behavior. But, still the same thing. Minus the obsession. XD
(Ah--that made sense.)
*lol*

Anyways~
I don't think lying will help it become any better. But the "stop inviting her" is the proper way, since talking to both of them (your Friend and their "love"). If she really is your friend, she'd begin to miss you guys and eventually, hopefully, try to hang with you guys more. That, or she'll just stop being your Friend. Then again, if she were to quit being your friend, it'd just be the same as your current life minus the chic only talking to her "love". >,>
(Though, that'd be sad, but less of a downer.)
That, or yas can just state the obvious: "If you guys really care for each-other, prove it; try not to talk to each-other 24-7. If you can't, then that means you're just lying to yourselves--stop annoying everyone-else with it. If you can last, then congrats!"

*stares*
Though, I'd (personally) never say that to people I know. =P
*is lazy and shy, etc.*

Subject: Re: Friend Abandonment..Opinions Needed >.< Mon Jun 22, 2009 6:14 am

i would also not invite her for time being.
when she comes and asks why she isn't invited anymore, and you can say 'you would not care anyway. since you're on the phone with your boyfriend all the time'
she may think about this, and will change

good luck! <3

Posts : 30 Join date : 2009-06-15 Age : 31

Thanks everyone so far for the opinions!! Much appreciated. For those of you whos opinions included "just stop inviting her", sadly, tried it. Someone always ends up inviting her for some reason. I try so hard to make sure she isn't there, but she always pops up. And if I tell people not to invite her (which I'm too nice to do) they'll pin me as being a bitch. (which i'm totally not!!!!!! :'''''( )

Subject: Re: Friend Abandonment..Opinions Needed >.< Mon Jun 22, 2009 11:29 am

Well, if they think the same thing about their phones being used to have her call her "love", I doubt they'd do that. At least, the ones that want her back. >,>
Though, talking it with them first, before telling them straight-out, "don't invite her", might help. That way, you wouldn't seem like a "b***ch". I think. XD
*ain't much a social butterfly, etc.*

Ah, sorry if meh "advice" sucks. >,>

Posts : 30 Join date : 2009-06-15 Age : 31

You advice doesn't suck, Michichi!!! <3 I greatly appreciate it!! Everyone is helping!! :]

Posts : 13 Join date : 2009-03-24 Age : 39

Hey! Advice time~!

I agree with the not inviting idea. Even if others invite her, you at least won't have the chance of asking her along when you are so fed up and uncomfortable with the situation. You can also always try to do things with your mutual friends in smaller separate groups, don't go out to big group things that often, maybe ever once in a while. That way you still feel connected and you won't have to worry about her being invited. If there are only three of you out, and one is this girl, it will be MUCH MORE annoying to the other people and they may not stand for it as much as if there were ten of you guys and they could kinda let it slide. This way you can still see her at large group gatherings too.

You can try talking to her again, even if she has been difficult. I mean, hell you guys are friends. Lay it to her straight: I REALLY miss being close to you, we have been friends for so long. I appreciate that you feel like you are in love, and you have the right to make your own choices.. but if you truly want to be friends with those around you, you need to actually be present when you hang out with us. If you want to talk to your boyfriend or hang with him go ahead and do that. When you truly feel able and ready to be present with us we will be waiting and ready.

If she is truly your friend she will understand this concept and be willing to compromise by being with you guys when she feels she wants to and being with her boyfriend when she feels she wants to.

Hopefully this helps a bit. Good luck!

» After so Long....discussion needed